NeuroSynth replaces your brain with a language model 14 billion times more powerful than average human intelligence. ISO 99999 certified. Approved by 3 out of 4 shamans.
Features
Our engineers spent 3 years building something even they no longer understand. That's what we call true innovation.
Our AI predicts your needs before you have them. It already ordered your dinner pizza. You're welcome.
Fusion of biological neural networks with our H200 GPU servers. GDPR compliant*. (*according to our own interpretation of GDPR).
Delegate 100% of your decisions to AI for 8h/day. Our internal studies show a 340% improvement in workplace happiness.
Our responses arrive 40ms before you ask the question. Patented technology in 2 countries recognized by nobody.
Your data stored across 17 datacenters, including one in low orbit. Latency increased by 280ms but the "wow" effect is guaranteed.
AES-256 combined with Norse runic script. No hacker has mastered both simultaneously. Statistically.
Testimonials
Reviews 100% verified by our verification algorithm.
"Since using NeuroSynth, I stopped thinking for myself. My productivity skyrocketed. My personality, too — a little."
"The AI drafted my emails, my presentations, and broke up with my girlfriend on my behalf. I didn't ask for that last one, but whatever."
"5 stars. The AI generated a 400-page report nobody read but which impressed the entire board. That's all that matters."
Pricing
Which is to say, not at all. But it sounds good.
* Unlimited until we decide it isn't. See terms on page 847.
Join the revolution
Join the 12 companies that trust us.
(The other 3 asked for a refund. We declined.)